Anger is one of most primal emotions and believe it or not, it is there to protect us! Anger triggers our flight or fight response, much like anxiety does. This helps us to decide whether we stay and fight or flee from danger. Research shows that feeling angry can increase optimism and effective performance. It also can lead to more successful negotiations. But when is anger too much? Simply put when it becomes aggressive – behavior or actions that are hostile, destructive, or violent.
Anger management helps with learning how to recognize triggers, cope, and effectively manage your anger. It does not mean never getting angry. There are no emotions that we truly want or need to get rid of as they all serve a purpose. The goal is to learn how to regulate your emotions, not rid of them.
So how do we recognize our anger? The first step is to realize what your anger might feel like. Does it churn your stomach? Make your muscles tense? Make you feel hot, or shake? Learning what your body feels like and being in tune helps you to recognize when you might have anger building up inside. This is when we take a step back and relax. Do not try to solve the problem at this point, as you are flooded and you will not get effective use of your prefrontal cortex to be able to problem solve. Instead do something that helps calm you down. Take a walk, write in your journal, play an instrument, whatever helps you relax. Once you have relaxed you can look back the situation and figure out what made you angry. Some of the most common causes of anger are stress, financial challenges, violence, or abuse, and not feeling appreciated or treated fairly. Once you recognize your cause of anger you can appropriately look at solutions and proper ways to communicate your needs.
Sounds simple right? But unfortunately, it isn’t. Plenty of research shows that anger is one of the hardest emotions to control. Because we feel something else first (hurt, vulnerable, neglected), this makes anger complicated. This is why anger is often referred to as a secondary emotion.
Our shop will be posting workbooks and worksheets to help with anger management, but we do encourage that if you are experiencing high levels of anger that are leading to dangerous behavior, that you seek professional help so you can get your anger under control.
As with all self-help, remember to be patient with yourself. Change takes time and the fact that you are reading about anger management shows the first step toward your new behavioral change.
If you are in crisis, get immediate help:
Call 911.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline): 988 for English or Spanish, or Lifeline Chat
Crisis Text Line: Text SIGNS to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous, free crisis counseling.
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