What is Self-Esteem?
The exact definition of self-esteem is confidence in one’s own worth or abilities or self-respect. Essentially it is how we perceive and value ourselves. Notice by the word perceive we are now referring to things based upon what we believe and think, which means they are not always truthful opinions. We can be our own worst enemy and extremely self-critical. Notice how when someone is going through things we are going through, or have, we always talk better to our friends and family then to ourselves. Self-esteem can also be developed by believing in what others t
ell us about ourselves, whether that be good or bad. Self-esteem can be classified as low, healthy, and excessive. This blog’s purpose will be on low self-esteem, specifically causes and ways to improve your self-esteem.
Causes of Low Self-Esteem.
Two of the biggest causes of low-self esteem (and anxiety I might add) that I see in my practice are disapproving parenting (childhood wounds for adults) and negative self-talk. Disapproving authority figures (parents, teachers, etc) can really hurt a child’s view of themselves. Children look to adults for direction and support and having negative comments or absence during those formative years can really damage one’s self-esteem. This can lead to learning negative self-talk, so they often go hand in hand. I have also witnessed low self-esteem In younger children who witness their parents arguing about them. Be careful what you say when kids are in ear shot. Other causes of low self-esteem are bullying and parents/caregivers who are uninvolved or neglectful. Yes, ignoring kids can be just as detrimental as talking negatively to them.
As we grow up in environments that are not socially enriching, we tend to carry this with us into adulthood in forms of negative self-talk or codependency. Negative self-talk is any inner dialogue, or outer if you talk to yourself, that limits your abilities or growth. The more we talk negatively to ourselves the body begins to behave in accordance and eventually leading to self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, saying to yourself “no one likes me” leads one to stop hanging out with people or talking to others (withdrawing) which now leads to your brain going “see told you know one likes us” because no one talks to us. But what it doesn’t tell you is “you stopped talking to people so of course you are lonely”. This is what we train our brain to say – the things that challenge negative self-talk.
Ways to Improve your Self-Esteem.
One of the first things I would r
ecommend to improve self-esteem is to check in with yourself and become aware of your beliefs and thoughts. Especially negative thought patterns. Challenge those thought patterns and realign them so they are more realistic and positive. Adjust your beliefs so they align with what you desire and believe, not what you were trained to believe. Other ways to improve your self-esteem are to simply accept who you are – perfectly imperfect. Do things that make you happy and surround yourself with people who support you. Nothing drags self-esteem down more than being around negative people who don’t support you or your dreams and discourage you. Lastly focus on the things you can change – make a list of strengths you have and things you would like to improve on and then decide what’s possible and what isn’t. Then you just get to work. Don’t get discouraged – we didn’t notice these negative patterns as they developed and believe me, they took years! So be patient as it takes time to undo all of that and replace it with better thoughts and patterns.
If you are in crisis, get immediate help:
Call 911.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline): 988 for English or Spanish, or Lifeline Chat
Crisis Text Line: Text SIGNS to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous, free crisis counseling.
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